sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
