dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
