I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
