Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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