I accidentally burped into my bong.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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