I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
