I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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