went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
