Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
