Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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