Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
