i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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