No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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