I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
