Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
