My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
