we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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