I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
