I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
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My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
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do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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