found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
