3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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