I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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