I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
