i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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