i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
