Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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