i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize