Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
