That's intense
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
