they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
