So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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