I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
