You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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