Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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