just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
