Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
