Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
