made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
