She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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