Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
