I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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