yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
