she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
