what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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