I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
