I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize