have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
