If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
