Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
