Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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