dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
