I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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