i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
