Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
