So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
