wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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