Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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