addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
