You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
