Porn is love you can see.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
